I must admit in the recess of what I recognized as hopeless childhood I felt disparaged at the death of my first two siblings. This in the start of my journey led me to a great sadness. I will admit that my many nightly affairs did cheer me up as I lay commonly with various courtesans. My Czech would seduce and my German would inspire them to give themselves up. The mornings when I awoke however I was immediately repulsed by my actions. Marriage is to unbearable a punishment, I can barely stand these one night affairs. Even Grete my love seems unbearable, but maybe this is my own doing. I called off the engagement because it was a cruel and overplayed joke on no one but me. Despite all of this I fear it is my end which will claim me soon. I hope my Grete will forgive my actions as well as know that my Metamorphoses was for her. It will be the Tuberculosis which will kill me, not her.
