Dear Chewy,
I wish this letter would just be me asking you about your day, or about how you feel about certain flowers, but unfortunately this is not that kind of letter. To begin I want to start off by telling you that the time we've spent together has been awesome. The carnival together, to the zoo, and to see Muse. All of it was amazing, even the moment in the crazy Ferris Wheel when you smashed me up against the railing. I loved those moments. I will always cherish those things like the precious times they were. Today is still happy day, its a good year, but its not quite diamonds and pearls.
I don't think that I've ever cared so much about a single person other my family, the same amiability that radiates out from our fingertips meets parallel to the same way as the hot cocoa given to me by my grandma. If you really know me, then you know how special that makes you, you would also understand where you are in my heart. I truly care about you, and that is why I have to tell you that we should not see each other with the eyes that we look at each other now. With those looks, as placed so foolishly as the fox on the false hare, we will do nothing, but succumb to each other. I'm asking you now, with full admonishing remorse, to just let me go silently into the dark. If you hold me close then you will only hurt me more, and it will make the transition all the more painful. This isn't the first time this has happened, I know full well what causes me to rot in the center, and my love to bubble and denature. The thought of someone caring so much for me for so long goes against so much that I stand for, I have, and may always be a nihilist. You should not look unto me, nor do I deserve grace for such, but alas my friend, it only be such, as friends. To comfort me as well as you, I do not think the friction caused by the collision of emotion would be easy, hence the letter, but to stay would be to foreshadow a worse tide. One that will not relent and drown us into no reprieve. I do not ask for forgiveness, I only ask that when time has separated us, as I now suspect it will, you ask to see how I'm doing once in a while. The next phase is a bright one, and to dwell here would be counter intuitive to your happiness.
So tomorrow is a bright new day, and I hope I can carry you into it, as a favor and not as you might suspect, as a symbol of dominance. I want to see the sunrise with you, but only as kindred spirits separate, but whole nonetheless. You have all of the opportunity in the world laying upon you and you must embrace that, and I must let you go into the aether, to part in equal serendipity as the same that brought us together, must now separate us at the helm.
Chewy, I went to the carnival, and I met a girl there who was equal parts sad to sunshine. I did not kiss her, nor did I try anything you would consider tactless, but she woke me up Chewy. We aren't as in love as we thought, and I couldn't let her go, so I pray that you have the strength that I didn't. Let me go whole and piece as one, lest I be rendered broken. To deprive me of that which I have strived so hard to allow you would be cruel, as I am to you now. Let me stand here alone now, looking hard for another who I may not grow to fight against as I have you, we all deserve that happiness. And tomorrow I hope we both find what's on the other side of that, to be loved eternally without the flames of inner resentment to tear down the hems of this cloth. I cross this divide alone, and hope to emerge, like you, free from burns and saved from myself.
See you on the other side,
Matthew
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